Regular Realness

Life, why  must it be this way?  Why can nothing be regular?  Is Gods hand really in all things?  Well there is something that never changes...and that is change.  It is always around us.  Even if it feels like things are wild and out of control its nice to know there is always someone to look up to.  God is always there, God will never leave. 

Kade...is amazing to say the least.  He truly was sent to me, no doubt.  All the dirt bags i dated, all the crazy relationships, all the feelings i hurt, and all the ppl that hurt mine happened for a reason.  I am grateful for every bad relationship i have had, and really grateful for the good ones.  All of the things in my life have shaped me into the person i am.  And i know there are those out there that dislike me or don't like the way i always do things, but all in all i am a good person.  I am not perfect, but i do more good than bad.  I may have seemed flaky in the past but all the things i always ran away from were scary to me.  I left because i needed something more.  There was always a reason for my running, i wasn't meant for them, i was meant for Kade.  We are a perfect match in every way.  Sometimes i think, why did i have to wait so long to have this amazing person in my life?  It was because i was being prepared for him.  If i would have had him in my life any sooner i wouldn't have realized how truly wonderful he is, and how much i need him in my everyday life.


Disappointments...i have had a few of those lately.  i have come to realize i shouldn't feel bad or guilty for someones decisions, or life.  They have their own course to run, and there own crap they have to learn to deal with.  It still makes me hurt when ppl decide to do things i wouldn't do but they have to decide whats important to them.  Suzi i hope you comeback someday, and i hope you find happiness.  I was so excited when you told me you might stay, but i understand that you have to see where Darryl might take you.  Kylie i love you and am sad i wont see you everyday...i hope life is wonderful for you.  I also hope that you get outta your crazy house soon.  And i hope jon is your truelove...that you two will help make each other great!  I hate that a chapter is coming to a close!  You two will always be my girlies...even after marriage.


Last night i worked at the Willows and was sad because the person that was going to cover my shift o my b daydecided to back out.  So i either work on my birthday or i find someone else to cover the shift. 


I am nervous about school.  With kade around i never get anything done.  Heck i don't even know when i can apply to my nursing program.  I hope that everything will work out the way i want them...but if not its Gods will.  I have seen his hand in all things and i know that he truly has a plan and a way.  I love you Kade and can't wait to be Mrs. Kade.  66 days