Time Flies As I Fall

So much has happened in such a short time. Okay it hasn't been too short, my last blog was almost a year ago. Well i will give you a summary. A year ago i wouldn't have guessed i would be where i am today. I officially had some life changing experiences. 


When i graduated i figured i would be married and starting my family. Engaged at 18.

good ol' Dobby.  I could have been suzie's cousin if I would have married him.

 A year later i am just a student who has fallen in love and on her face more times than she can count. I have been engaged to 3 different men, other then Kade, I have had major heartbreaks and feelings i never wanted to experience and hope to never feel again. I can say that i have grown so much as a person. I don't even know where to start.


Stets was hard.  Never thinking you are good enough to be with someone really messes with your head.  He was such a cutie who I loved being around.  He did have a mother that hated me though.  I don't know what I did, but she thought I was bad news.  When he got what he wanted and couldn't get anything more he tossed me aside...

Stets

My messiest heart beak started with me being so happy, and i thought this is it, he completes me. i soon found out that when your not wanted it doesn't matter how much you want it to work out, he broke my heart in a way i didn't think i could survive.  I never initially wanted to date him, and really did it because he asked, but we clicked and we were so close after a while.  Being ten years apart and him having kids didn't matter to me.  He told me he was going to marry me when he got back from basic training...I was excited for that. He left for the army and I never heard from him again. After i finally figured out that it was over with him i was so depressed with life. Why would such a perfect fit leave me in the dust? Why wasn't my life working out? I just couldn't figure it out.

Pauliewog not a fan of pics, I don't even have one of us together :(

Next chapter of my life, started when i thought i was disappearing. I fell super fast for a boy that use to be my close friend, who i relied on because i just needed someone to be around. I had seen him in a new light, he was wonderful, perfect in so many ways. But when it is a long distance relationship the relationship is so much different.  we seemed to fight more than just talk.

TroyBuzz

one day when life was still rocky, a boy that i hadn't seen in a while text-ed me, we went on a date and for the first time in what seemed like eternity... i had fun. i went on a date, and laughed. i went on a date and smiled the whole time. i laughed, i smiled...this is a new thing for me. it ended and i didn't think anything of it, it was just a good time. My date haha after all didn't seem interested, so i thought i made a new friend. but he kept calling. Kade kept texting, Kade wanted to date me! He made me smile more than i can ever remember smiling before. Kade knew what was going on with me and my messy life and waited for me to work things out. Things didn't end the way i hoped with Troy but like Dr. House says you can't always get what you want...or was that Jagger? But i did get what i needed. i got a great friend out of the whole mess. But right now in life i have learned that you don't get what you want, but what you need and that god is always looking out for you. Even when you fall down a hole that you cant get out of. he sends someone with a rope to help you out. Kade was my rope, he has truly made me happy. i have never felt this way before. THIS IS LOVE, THE FOREVER KIND. The kind that both of us feel, and we want it to grow stronger. 

Mr. Kade

We spend every minute together that we can. when I'm not at work i am with him. he helps me to be a better person. i for the first time in a long time am choosing the right. i am walking down a path that is going to lead me to happiness. i love the person i am when i am with Kade, Mr. Kade has made the biggest difference in my life.
I honestly am grateful for all the boys i have dated and for all the heartache. Because without all that i wouldn't be the person i am today. SO thanks. Thank you for everything you did for me, and for putting up with everything i put you through. I love you all so much!

California

I just spent the last week with my boyfriend and his parents in California. It was fun but awkward.  Initially Kade and I were going alone, but I don't think we are trusted, so the parents tagged along.  Wayne, Kade's childhood friend was getting married.  Since I went on a few dates with Wayne I was also friends with him, so we decided to make it out to his wedding.  California is a long drive that I have taken at least 4 times in my life, but each time it is still long.  

While on our trip we saw a lot of sea life(went to an aquarium), hung out on the beach (no pics) :( Ate lots of food (yay for in-and-out burger) we got lost and drove around for 2 hours at 2 in the morning.  Did a lot of kissing and got in a lot of trouble for it.   We hung out with friends and a lot of family.  We visited Steph and Dan, Kade's sister and brother-in-law who live in Utah.  We stayed with two of Kade's sister-in-law's families in Cali, the whole thing was really awkward.  But I got to spend a lot of time with Kade and see a lot of California, and a lot of Bingham family. 

Kade in the Car

windmills

more windmills

more of Kade in the car

On the Bedke's green front lawn!  Finally in California

Decorating the car with sour cream....LOL ewww

Trip to the aquarium

Jelly Fish

Sharks EEEK

Fake Whale that hangs on the ceiling. 

Seahorses 

Celia and Wayne Wilding

 

Kaleb and me at the Bedke's home in cali swinging. 

Kade and me at Jenny's  parents (Kade's sister-in law) Alden and Judy's home

Almost Ring Shoping

I had to have some hardcore therapy from my father today after my date with Kade.  After all I have only been dating him 2 weeks.  He took me to the mall and as soon as I realized he wanted me to ring shop, I stopped DEAD in my tracks.  He was literally trying to drag me.  I sat down on a couch and wouldn't budge.  We finally left because I had promised Wray I would watch my nieces and nephew.

While babysitting, we were watching Mulan 2 and the same thing was happening to her.  Her boy was trying to propose, but she was thinking it was too soon.

I guess when you know, you know.  I have no question whether I should marry Kade, I just don't like the way i t looks.  After all, I am still kind of writing Troy.  I don't know how to break it to him.  My family has only met him once...so I know how they would feel about me marrying so quickly.

When I got home, I talked to my dad about it.  Can I just say he is amazing.  Not only have I always been a daddy's girl, but he has always had a soft-spot for his girls.  He always treats us like princess.  I told him Kade was getting pretty serious and that he wanted me to pick out rings!  My dad comforted me and asked how long I had known Kade?  I told him years, but I have only dated him for a little bit.  My dad said, see you have known him a long time, so don't be so gushy.  I think my dad could see how happy Kade was making me.  My dad has seen some of the worst depression spells from me.  He let me know that he was okay with me marrying him, and that he thought if we wanted to get married there is no reason to wait very long.

Did I mention my dad has been a bishop twice?  He has also been in the stake presidency, so I don't take his opinion lightly.  He said, "if you know you want to marry Kade, do it as soon as possible.  Waiting only gets people into trouble."  He also informed me that waiting is really hard and it only gets harder.

So with my dads blessing, I think sometime we will actually go ring shopping...but I am going to make him wait at least 2 more weeks.  That way I can say we dated a month, LOL.

3rd Date/1st Kiss

This was our third official date!  Kade took his sisters car to get fixed because it broke down, on his way home from Utah, he stopped in my apartment in Shelley.

We made cinimon rolls, and there was a big mess of flour in our hair and on the floor.



We sat under the stars and talked for hours, I told him I was writing a guy in the army.  He basically told me that I was going to need to break up with him, I agreed.  I had already realized that I was head over heals for Mr. Kade.

We watched the sun rise, and ate breakfast up in the hills that day.  The windmills were a sight to see, now they are everywhere.

He told me he loved me and then kissed me in his mothers blue van.  It was perfect, and I knew it would be my last first kiss.

Second Date

Right before leaving to the zoo with Kade's ENTIRE family.

Yes, I met all of his brothers and sisters on our 2nd date, scary.

After we played in the park and ate 

IDK what you call this, but it was like a huge sling shot thing...soo funny

Then we played Ultimate Frisbee 

All hot and sweaty after!

Then on the way home, we were with Steph and Dan, their car broke down.  We got to hang out and talk while being stranded!

When Kade took me home we sat and talked in the Wendy's/olive garden parking lot for like 4 hours.  This is when I knew he would be mine!  I was totally hooked!  We talked and he convinced me he liked me but that he just respected me and that is why he hadn't held my hand or put his arm around me yet. 

First Date

I went on a date with Kade Bingham,  it was a fun day. 

We went four wheeling, and he even let me drive.  

While he was driving I was to afraid to put my arms around him, he made me though I think he was uncomfortable.
The other couple we went with, made out the whole time HAHA.

I had to wear Richard's tennis shoes because all I had was flip flops. 

We had a lot of fun.  

He just got back from a mission.

He didn't freak out about my arm, yes I had to tell him, the stitches are HUGE.

He didn't want the date to end so...

We watched prince Caspian 

We ate at Ikes for lunch.  

I met his parents and ate dinner with them, hamburgers and fries yumm. 

I am thinking he wont ask me out again, because he didn't act like he interested in me, I think he just needed a date.  

But I guess we will see.